Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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