do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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