It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
