im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
