i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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