Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
