I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Reggie can tackle my bush.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
