Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just want to make out with him forever
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
