you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
