fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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