and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
