Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
