I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
