No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
