C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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