Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
