is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
