I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize