the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
