It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I believe in your delicious
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am mentally ready for anal.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
