Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
