turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize