i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
babies were throwing up all over the place
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize