so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
