I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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