meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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