weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
