Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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