Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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