So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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