3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
