3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
