Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
