i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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