Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
