I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Did I show you my penis last night?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
