i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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