Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
