the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
