"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
