just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
