I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
