Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
