1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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