All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
