Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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