i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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