Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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