Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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