But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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