There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
