We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
