My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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