are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
