I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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