I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
