I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
