Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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