so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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