my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
