You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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