it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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