the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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