If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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