4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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