Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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