i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
